Sue!
by Rashelle
Summary: Hi, my name is Sara Elizabeth 'Awesome' Jackson, and I'm a Mary Sue! A totally over-the-top Mary Sue. OC bashing; parody ahead. XD
1. My bad past in total need of sympathy

**Real A/N I've long decided that PJO is the easiest fandom to write in. I've also decided that Mary Sue parodies are hilarious. And PJO has an abundant of Mary Sues... Bashing time!**

**In case you can't read the spoof author's note below (I sure can't), here is my offical disclaimer:**

**Percy Jackson and the Olympians (and Heroes of Olympus) belong to Rick Riordan, along with all offical rights. I just play in the sandbox. (or to be more accurate, _blow up_ the sandbox)**

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><p><em>AN omg gaaaiiss!11!1!1 this is my first story! :DDDDD dont flameee me plzzzz!1!_

_i dont own this stuff rcik riordan does. but it will be myne somedaiii!1!11! ;)))_

My name is Sara Elizabeth 'Awesome' Jackson. Yeah, JACKSON. I'm, like, Percy's little sister! Of course, I didn't know that until I got to camp, and then he loved me! But let me start over with my horrible, tragic past that's totally in need of sympathy!

I grew up with my horrible, mean, ugly step mom. She always made me do chores and make food and I never got anything nice in return. My clothes were old and ragged and it totally hid my inner beauty. I had to sleep on an old sac in the shed in the back yard.

Every once in a while, she hit me and yelled really mean things at me (but I can't tell you what those were! I'm a perfect little angel who never says mean stuff!) and afterwards I would run off into the woods and meet up with my wolf friends that I could communicate with—'cause I'm just that awesome.

I didn't know it at first, but my wolf friends who had practically raised me we actually the wolves of Artemis! OMG! Or no: Oh my gods!

When I found out, I was so shocked! How could I, a mere girl with a bad past, be meeting someone as awesome and cool as Artemis? She's a goddess and I'm just dirt! But, like, when she came up to me, I bowed, and she told me to stand up because I was just as awesome as her. I couldn't believe it! Then she instantly waved her arm and my ratty clothes were gone and replaced by a tight-fitting black leather outfit that totally hugged my form and showed off my perfectly curved body. I noticed all the shiny silver jewelry too. Wow! Then Artemis gave me a mirror to look in and I noticed that my luscious golden hair—excuse me, _locks_ of hair—was perfectly piled on top of my head and pinned with silver clips. My fair-skinned face (perfect, as the rest of me) was perfectly framed by the stray bangs that slightly curled on their way down my face. My emerald-sea green eyes were shining and you could see the specks of gold in them. I didn't have any makeup on. I didn't need it! I looked absolutely gorgeous just by myself.

"And now," Artemis was smiling at me. "I'm going to give you immortality!"

I gasped and my eyes shone with tears of joy. Omigosh! I've _always_ wanted this! (I read all the books on Greek Mythology that my mom had for some reason. Immortality was my favorite fantasy! And now it's coming true! [And I'm totally not phased at all by the fact some random lady is completely rewriting my life and I'm not going to question it!]) Artemis had me say a few things as a vow that I can't remember now—I was too excited!—and then I felt a warm sensation inside me and instantly knew that I was immortal. I squealed with joy again—still in an amazingly cute way—and hastily bowed and curtsied to Artemis.

"Thank you! Thank you so much! Arigato, Artemis-sama!" (Oh my gods! I loved anime, too! I learned Japanese in, like, an hour! Just from one anime! I didn't even need the subs! **[If you have no idea what anime is, forget it, it's not important now. Just an inside joke to that kind of Sue...]**)

Artemis smiled kindly and said back, "No, my lady, I must thank you. For what, who the Hades knows." She bowed deeply, and all her wolves did the same.

I nodded. "Of course." (I totally knew that was coming.)

Artemis straightened herself and said, "Now, daughter of Poseidon, allow me to escort you to Camp Half-Blood where all heroes are safe to train. I'm sure you will instantly be popular and be the best warrior in the camp."

I nodded. "Thank you. Now- wait! I forgot! I have to say goodbye to my mom!"

Artemis frowned. "I do believe that your mother is a crazy, sadistic -BLEEP- (I don't cuss! It'll, like, totally ruin my innocence!)

"Why," Artemis continued. "Would you want to ever see her again?"

I put my hands on my hips. _I_ needed to take charge. "Because she's my mom! I can't just leave her! She's not exactly the nicest to me, but I'm way to good of a soul to abandon her!"

And so, after that speech, I started marching off back towards my house. "Wait here!" I ordered Artemis.

She stood up straight. "Yes, ma'am!"

I was getting nervous as I neared the house. What if my mom hated me even ore because of what I looked like now? I already knew she hated me because I was prettier than her, but now... oh my gods, what if she tries to hurt me again?

I slowed down as I entered the yard and peeked through the window. There she was, watching her favorite TV show. I sucked in a breath, gathered my courage, and opened the door.

She instantly turned around to the noise. I sheepishly looked at her as she stared in disbelief.

"Sara... Is that you?"

I nodded hesitantly, and she gasped as she jumped up and rushed over to me. I braced for the beating I knew was coming, but instead, I felt warm arms wrap around me. I stood in shock. My mom... was _hugging_ me!

"I always knew it, Sara! You would find your inner self!" My mom sniffed. "I'm- I'm so _happy_!" She was crying now, and I embraced her back.

"I love you so much mom (I'm totally going to ignore your change to an alter ego and the past I've had with you!)."

She gripped me tighter. "I love you too. Now," she released me, wiping away tears. "You need to go with Artemis to Camp Half-Blood. It's the only place you'll be safe. Please."

"But mom!" I started to protest.

Her mouth turned to a thin line. "No 'buts'. You're going. My little princess MUST be safe."

I hung my head. "Yes, mom."

After a heartfelt goodbye, I made my way back to Artemis and her wolves with a determined (but still pretty, even after my crying episode) face. "Let's go."

And so we traveled half way across the country to New York where Camp was located. We had to fight off lots and lots of monsters on the way there, though. But I figured out that I had natural talent with pretty much every weapon in existence, so I fended them off and saved everyone every time!

When we got to the hill where the camp was located, I was exhausted. But Artemis gave me this really cool little brownie looking thing that tasted like warm, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I instantly felt re-energized and gulped the rest of the ambrosia down, but too late I realized my mistake. I wasn't supposed to eat all of it! It would burn demigods up! I felt a fire starting within me that soon became unbearable. I screamed—a scream that sounded like high, tinkling bells; really nice to listen to—and soon everything went black.

_A/N omg! wats goin 2 hapen 2 sara elizabeth!1?/ u got 2 w8 til nxt ch to find outtt!1! review gaiiiisss!1!11!_

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><p><strong>Real AN Oh gods, you have NO IDEA how easy this is to write. (I'm worried about myself now.) It's so easy to just push your Mary Sue _over the top_. XD I'm having fun~**


	2. OMGods I, like, know him!

**Real A/N I read My Immortal recently. *Wistful* If only I could write that horrendously...**

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><p><em>AN omgg gaiiiss!1! thx fur da revoews! i luv u gaiiiss!1!11!_

I woke up to see this beautifully painted ceiling (not as pretty as me, of course) that looked like the sea. I blinked my long, elegant lashes as I gazed around the rest of the room. It had multiple bunk beds, one or two completely unmade and messy, the others all tidy. There was a door on one end of the room, and another on the other end. I frowned. Wait a second... What was I doing here...? I had just been on my totally awesome monster-killing spree with Artemis... And now I was in some random room?

All of a sudden my recent memory came flooding back. I gasped as I remembered the tremendous pain that I had felt for eating the brownie-thing. I felt my eyes well up with tears at the thought, but quickly wiped them away as I heard one of the doors creak open.

I gasped softly, marveling at the guy that came into the room. He had dark, messy hair (but unruly in a cute way) and tan skin. His body was finely toned, even beneath the orange t-shirt and baggy jeans, and I almost found myself blushing. But the most captivating think about him was his eyes; they were a sea green color like I had never seen before, the most handsomest, for sure (mine are the /prettiest/). But for some strange reason, I felt like I knew him. His face was familiar. As soon as he turned his eyes to mine, the memory clicked.

I gasped loudly, not trying to hide my shock. He did practically the same.

"Percy!" I shouted.

"Sara!"

Percy Jackson. My long lost big brother. I remember, now! When I was born, my parents got into a fight and they somehow came to the conclusion to get rid of me. So I ended up with my step-mom, who I had absolutely no relation to.

Percy rushed over to me, and embraced in a tight hug. I sniffled light and hugged him back, breathing in his scent. We were still hugging when a blonde girl casually walked into the room.

"Percy, I got the-"

My brother spun around quickly to face the intruder, who was now openly staring in shock and confusion.

"Percy, what..." the girl trailed off, at a loss for words.

With a quick glance back at me, Percy stood up tall and lifted his chin. "This is my sister, Sara Elizabeth Asum (that's where I get Awesome from!) Jackson. She's been reunited with me after being gone for almost all her life, and now she's mine. I love her."

Annabeth's mouth turned downward in a saddened expression. "But... You're my boyfriend. Mine! Not this random stranger's!" She was shouting by the end of her sentence.

Percy's face was contorted in a smirk, and he almost looked sadistic. "Please, _you_? I would never even want to be near a wretched, ugly girl like you! Take your fantasies and get OUT, you harpy!"

Percy's angry words had caused Annabeth to start crying. She gave him an extremely hurt look, then fled the cabin, openly sobbing.  
>Percy immediately turned back to me, almost as if the scene just a moment ago had never happened. His face was laced with concern. I reached up to stroke his cheek.<p>

"You know," I said gently. "You didn't have to be so mean to that obviously hopeless girl who was not nearly as beautiful and nice as me."  
>Percy shrugged sheepishly. "I just wanted to make sure that someone as awful as her could ever come near our relationship, love." Percy leaned down and kissed my cheek softly, but affectionately.<p>

I hugged him back.

_boo anabeth! she can go 2 hads! percu iz all saras!1! reviuw plzz!_

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><p><strong>Real AN: Don't worry, I love Annabeth. It's just a Sue thing. And honestly, loving your brother? Eww.**  
><strong>Darn, I hate romance stories, and to think that I'm doomed to have to write one with a Mary Sue. *Sigh*.<strong>


	3. Mary Velvet Sparlke Glitter Pink Silk G

**Real A/N: Okaay... lately I've been trying to come up with a list of common Sue characteristics. The list is so long that it could be a chapter on its own... Here are some major points:**

_**THE SUE (PRETTY MUCH) ALWAYS:**_  
><em><strong>Is a girl. No exceptions.<strong>_  
><em><strong>Has some kind of interaction with wolves. <strong>_  
><em><strong>Is either in love or related to the author's favorite character.<strong>_  
><em><strong>The Sue is the author. Only cooler. <strong>_  
><em><strong>The most beautiful, smartest girl you will ever have met.<strong>_

**I could go on, but you probably just want to read the chapter. So yeah.**

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><p>an omgggg gaiiss!1!1! sara haz a new frend nowww!1!11! i wont tell u her nam cuz dat wud spol it 4 u! thx 4 reveowinh and stuf!1!111!

As onii-san (1) (I, like, totally love Japanese!) and I were walking to the Pavilion for dinner, I attracted many looks. A few of them waved at me, and told me how beautiful I was. A few others seemed to not like me right then because I was so pretty. You shouldn't judge someone without getting to know them first!

Most of the people I saw were ugly. Eww. Obviously bad people. Was I surrounded by lower life forms (besides my dear Percy, of course)? This totally _was not _cool.

Absorbed in my thoughts, I didn't see the person in front of me until I bumped into them. With a small 'oh' of surprise, I quickly turned my golden and emerald sea green eyes to the rude person that so obviously bumped into _me._

"Watch where you're going, you—" I stopped and gasped, my voice high and lovely. The girl I had bumped into, I knew her! Images of my past came flooding back to me.

Mary Velvet Sparkle Glitter Pink Silk Gold Shine DiAngelo, my goth and emo friend. I remember she said she had an older brother and maybe two sisters, or something. Her luscious golden brown hair with natural pink highlights and rainbow orbs sparkled in the sunlight as she gazed into my eyes, too. I could tell that she remembered me.

"Mary Velvet Sparkle Glitter Pink Silk Gold Shine!" I shouted (it was still totally cute) with excitement.

Mary Velvet Sparkle Glitter Pink Silk Gold Shine's eyes lit up even more, the rainbow colors flashing brightly and prettily. "Sara Elizabeth Awesomely Awesome the Awesomest Kind of Awesomely Awesoming Cool Awesome Jackson!" (That was my nick-name.)

We hugged tightly, as BFFs would (which we were).

When we finally stepped back from each other, I could finally see all of her. She had dark clothes on with fishnets and metal stuff. Her dark mascara was really cool. Her fingernails were pained black and blood red. Her body was very curvy and nice (but I'm still _wayyy _better). Her wavy hair fell almost perfectly down her back.

The daughter of Hera and Hades was also looking at me. I could see the slightly jealous look she was giving me, but I wasn't really worried. I knew that Mary Velvet Sparkle Glitter Pink Silk Gold Shine was a good enough best friend to not hate me for being better than her. After all, I was totally the best looking girl in the world, and she had no chance of being as beautiful as me.

"Do you, like, want to, like, go to, like, dinner together, like, Sara?" Mary Velvet Sparkle Glitter Pink Si—gah, I just bit my tongue. Let's just go with Mary… asked.

"Totally," I responded coolly.

At dinner, we sat together, even though we weren't supposed to because of having different godly parents, and stuff. Dionysus told me that since I was so pretty like a goddess that I could sit anywhere I wanted with whoever I wanted. A few people gave us weird looks, but Percy and Mary's brother Nico sat with us too. He was a son of Hades, so he was, like, Mary's brother and totally my cousin! I thought he looked kinda cute, even though he wasn't that beautiful. It's the stuff inside that counts, right?

That night, Percy kissed me goodnight, and that ugly totally un-awesome girl Annabeth was no where to be seen.

a/n i lik luv dis chappie! itz my favurite!11! revuew gaiis!1!

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><p><em>(1) Onii-san means 'big brother' in Japanese. <em>

**Real A/N: I don't claim full credit for Mary-freakinglongname-DiAngelo. I don't remember the name of the author who came up with it anymore. Sorry. I just thought that Sara needed a friend to help her utterly destroy the PJO universe.**


	4. Idea to get everyone to totally love me

**Real A/N: Sorry I took a bit longer. Had an important band audition to practice for. And I was watching Death Note. :3**

**Oh yeah. This chapter is dedicated to a really awesome story I read that was a complete Mary Sue. It freaking INSPIRED ME to write this chapter. Love ya'! :)**

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><p><em>an thx 4 all da asommeeee revoewsss gaiiisss!1!1!11! i ttly new i wuz a kook riter!_

I've, like, never told anyone about this before, but I have a tattoo on my back. Yeah, I know, right? I feel really, really bad about it! But I promise I totally didn't go to a tattoo place and get it! I was born with it! It's this really intricate pair of black wings that take up the majority of my back. It has lots of pretty swirls and lines in it that are totally cool. I don't quite know what it's for, but I don't really mind having it. I have a feeling that some day soon I will go on a quest that will tell me the answer to that question and then, like, everyone will totally love me because I saved the world.

_**-{}{ (It's a swordfish! It, like, totally fits me!)**_

I guess I never mentioned this, but I'm seven years old. My body looks like I'm, like, fourteen or something, and technically that, true, but when I was really little (and adorable!) I got really sick and went into a coma for seven years. I totally promise that's true! During that time, my mind didn't age, even though my body did. So even though my body is fourteen, my mind only seven. (**definitely old enough for a relationship WITH HER BROTHER, huh? That's disgusting...) **So that's why I usually refer to myself as a seven-year-old. But my smartness is totally over an adult's! I'm, like, a prodigy! My IQ is over 1,000!

_**-{}{**_

Today I went with Percy, Nico, and Mary Velvet Sparkle Glitter Pink Silk Gold Shine DiAngelo to the ocean. I was thinking of ways to get everyone to like me. It was almost hard (but it wasn't because I'm perfect and everything is easy for me), but then it came to me.

I could freeze over part of the ocean! And then everyone could skate and have fun! They'd totally love me!

I stood up quickly, excited, and raised my arms.

"Can you guys stand back for a minute?" I asked.

"Like, what, like, for?" Mary asked back.

"I'm going to freeze over some of the water so that we can all go skating!"

"OMG, that's, like, awesome!" Mary exclaimed, stepping back and clapping excitedly.

"But Sara," Percy protested. "What if you use up too much energy and get hurt? My little angel CANNOT get hurt!"

"It's okay, Onii-san," I assured him. "It's not that hard, and I'm totally awesome, remember, so everything will be perfect!"

But then something went wrong—JK! It all totally went PERFECT!

Everyone came after they heard and they all complimented me as I handed out skates (courtesy of the Hephaestus kids, though I totally made the first design of them) to other demigods. This was, like, great! Now everyone would love me and totally worship me like a god! Or maybe a god would worship me, too!

Still deep in thought, my beautiful golden sea green emerald eyes that flashed blue sometimes orbs didn't see the big ugly figure coming towards me.

"Hey, girl, do you wanna fight? I'll pound you into the ground."

I looked up to see a bulky figure with messy brownish hair and a _reeeally _ugly face. Oh, Clarisse, head of the Ares cabin.

I blinked, disbelieving. "You want to fight me?"

Clarisse grinned. "Of course I do, pipsqueak. So I can beat all your pretty snot out of you!"

I snapped my fingers like a diva in her face. Yeah right, like she could beat ME.

"I accept your challenge. You're going down, you fat piece of ham!"

The Ares demigod snarled and barely stopped herself from trying to strangle me (I totally would have stopped her if she tried).

"Tomorrow. The arena. 3:01 PM."

"Deal."

_a/n omggg!1!1! watss goin 2 hppn in da fite!1? whoz guna winzzzz!111?/?/?_

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><p><strong>Real AN: I apologize for the drabble-y-ness in the beginning. Wanted to get that in there somewhere. **

**Anywho, I'm going to start taking requests now for how Sara will die. That won't be soon, but someday... And it will be dang HILARIOUS.**


	5. My Pulchritudinousness VS Ugly TrollGirl

**_Reposted after the FF System completely screwed up the chapter._**

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><p><strong>Real AN: I don't know why or even _how _I got myself into this situation, but I guess I'm stuck with it now. *Sigh* Dun wanna write the fight scennneee... Disgrace tuh Clarissssseeee...**

**And in response to _fnick girl _(You a MR fan?): Yes, the spoof authors notes should make you want to throw up. Though really, you might want to check your own grammar/spelling before you say something about my fake ones. ;)**

**Sorry, I've been procrasinating about replying to some of you... I'm working on that...**

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><p><em>an fnick gitl! u tink my athurz nutes r bad?/? how cud u mi riting is asom!1!1!1!1!1!1!_

I stood, facing Clarisse, the ugly butt. It was exactly 3:02. She was late. By ONE FREAKING MINUTE. I swear, it's totally going to make me want to, like, graphically describe the way I punch her face in. But of course, I'm a perfect little angel and would never do that to you or even _think_ of something like that!

As we waited for a little while longer (why are we waiting in the first place?), the sun was glittering on me as I stood, and it made my exquisite golden emerald sea green rainbow eyes look absolutely pulchritudinous. I let out a soft sigh (an alluring and divine sound) as my thoughts drifted to my lovely Percy. My one true love, the one person who I will be lost without. I will (almost...) risk my life for his in an instant! For he is my reason to live! The fates will allow nothing else. They said so five minutes ago before I came here. I expect the Oracle to make a prophecy about it tonight and send me on a quest with my eternal love, too.

The fight lasted only a few minutes.

Clarisse came decked out in full Ares armor and her dastardly electric spear, 'Lamer'. I just rolled my eyes at her stupidity. It wasn't like she could actually beat me with all that. My epicness and beautifulness were better than hers by 1000000000000000000000.

She lunged right at me, disturbingly scary, revolting, not pretty face and all. I easily dodged her swings. They were wide and a bit slow. But I knew she had lots of strength behind them (though I was stronger anyways), so I was careful to move out of the way of them (didn't want to make her look _that _bad. After all, I totally have a heart, and she doesn't need to know that I easily beat Typhon in single combat last year).

Finally, I saw an opening and darted in. I slashed my two identical swords _Kallos_ and _Téleios_ **(1)** in a quick motion, and Clarisse barely blocked. I saw the moderate cut that I totally managed to make on her upper arm, and smiled. This was, like, going to be easy, even though I was, like, totally holding back my awesomeness.

Following up my first move, I brought my right arm in with a wide arc—totally my fake-out. When Clarisse easily moved to block, I fastlywhipped around my left arm, _Kallos _shining prettily in the noble golden sunlight. Ha! She totally didn't know I could use both my hands awesomely. I saw the panic in the ugly girl's face as she hastily moved around the butt of her spear. My sword met it with a clang, and I totally knew that my sword was stronger (and more beautiful and enticing and angelic and graceful and sublime and glittery and pretty and awesome).

Jumping back, out of Ugly's range, I grinned and giggled (it was totally A-DOR-A-BLE!). She narrowed her eyes at me, but before she could even know what was happening, I darted in and brought both my pretty swords down on the middle of the shaft of her evil spear. I was totally glad I was, like, the fastest girl in the camp. The spear cracked in half, and both of us were, like, thrown back by the release of energy.

I saw Clarisse's head hit the ground and saw her go unconscious. I smiled. Victory.

Then everything went black and I was unconscious too.

**-{}{**

"...aa!"

"...Ara!"

"SARA!"

I gasped (sweetly) and jolted up. The first thing I saw was my beloved Percy's worried, beautiful, gorgeous eyes.

"What... happened?" I asked.

"You fought Clarisse," Percy told me, seeming to relax a little now that I was awake. "And you won, by the way. You just had a minor concussion (though I was still totally worried to death over you), while Clarisse had a big concussion and a broken arm. Her other arm had a large cut in it, too." There was totally a certain amount of pride in Percy's voice.

I smiled. Good. That better teach that revolting, ugly faced troll-girl.

"So," I said. "Can we, like, go to the Pavilion? I'm hungry."

Percy laughed. "Sorry, Sara-Loveliness, dinner's over. But we can go to the Camp Fire, if you want."

I nodded, my voluminous hair bouncing (perfectly, as I obviously just woke up from being unconscious) shinily.

_a n im goin to hav a flashbk 2 wen sara got clamed in da nxt chappy!2!1! itz goin 2 b gud!1!11! rebeiw gaiiiisss!_

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><p><strong>(1) Kallos: Beauty<strong>**  
><strong>**Téleios: Perfect**

**And where, you ask, did she get the swords? Hey, don't look at me. Why the crap would I know?**

**Real A/N: Oh gods, I made up words in this chapter… Had to utterly destroy the nice fight I'd originally written out. Though 'pulchritudinous' is a real word.**

**But yeah, forgot about Sara getting claimed. That's probably a big deal to Sue writers, and I completely forgot it... so a flashback will have to do. 0.o**


	6. My Totally, Like, Awesome Claiming

**Real A/N: Sorry, forgot to post this last week.**

**Rules of making a perfect Mary Sue #1 and #2:  
>1) She never has eyes. No! She has sparkling <em>orbs <em>of_ beauty_ that_ glisten_ in the sunlight.  
>2) Her hair is not just long and shiny, but <em>luscious locks that cascade <em>down her back.**

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><p><em>an omggggggggg!1!1! im so srry gaiiis! i wuz gon 4 so longgggg!1! im srrrrrrry!1!1!_

...Flashback...

It was my first night at Camp Half-Blood. Annabeth, the harpy, was off somewhere sulking and being emo, probably cutting herself, after I totally told her where she belonged in _my _relationship with Percy. Percy had, like, carried me bridal-style to the pavilion for dinner, and Chiron, the guy I hadn't met yet but totally knew anyways ('cause I'm just that cool), introduced me to the camp. Everyone stared at me, then someone commented, "She's hot." I waved at him with a pretty smile and the semi-cute guy fainted, starstruck.

The selection of food was amazing, and I eagerly helped myself to all that I wanted. When I wanted something that I didn't see, I just snapped my fingers and it appeared anyways! When I offered some of my food to the gods, I totally saw the stars shine just a little brighter. Oh yeah, I'm totally going to rule the universe (with my true love, of course) in the next year or so. Totally.

I sat with Percy, even though I wasn't technically claimed by Poseidon yet. Dionysus said I was pretty, so I could sit wherever. Even next to him (he had this weird look then that I pretended to ignore). I got lots of stares, and there were some guys that got nosebleeds just thinking about me.

The food was yummalicous, and I really liked my diet salad, diet diet diet chocolate diet cake, and diet water (totally exists, right?). Don't want to actually eat _carbs_. I mean, eww.

After dinner, at the camp fire, I sat next to Percy, leaning on him with his arm around me. I was nervous. What if my dad, Poseidon, doesn't claim me? What if I'm just too pretty for him? What if I'm too powerful, so he won't claim me in case I take over the world (I will, by the way)? What if he likes that wretch Annabeth and now he doesn't like me because of what I said to her? What if he doesn't like me because I'm a Mary Sue and am having an incest-y relationship with his son? Whoa, was I just _IC_ there?

Anyways, I was, like, seriously worried. All this stuff could go wrong (though it won't) and I could be so sad and upset and be shedding tears that leak down my face like diamond crystals worth more than your house if I don't get claimed (but I will, anyways). I suck in a breath as I see a small figure crouching in front of the now raging camp fire. It's a small girl, with strange eyes that I can see from even further away. It's Hestia. Of course, how could I totally forget this woman who I'd never known in the first place? I smile at her nervously (but darn, still, like, totally prettyfully) and she smiles back kindly. With a slight bow, she mouths, _Don't worry, my lady._

I nod slowly, and she smiles again.

A few minutes later - I'm totally not even aware of it at that moment - Percy gasps and shakes me softly. "Sara! Look! Like, above your head!"

I quickly move my beautiful rainbow orbs up, and gasp in my cute tinkling bell way and cover my mouth with my hands. Poseidon's symbol. It's above my head. I'm, like, totally officially a daughter of Poseidon. My eyes shone with beautifully delicate, perfect, little droplets of water crystals.

Suddenly, all these other signs started appearing above my head. The camp started murmuring, not knowing what was happening. Chiron galloped up to me and studied them for, like, a moment, before his eyes lit up in recognition.

"Attention!" he called out to the campers. Turning back to me, he, like, smiled kindly, then lowered himself into a deep bow, the rest of the camp totally mimicing. Even my beloved Percy.

"Please welcome," Chiron went on, "Sara Elizabeth 'Awesome' Jackson, daughter of Poseidon, and also descendant of Zeus, Hades, Aphrodite, Apollo, Nike, Persephone, Hephaestus, Artemis, Kronos, Voldemort, Pan, Hercules, and who knows who the Hades else! I.E. The Awesomest, most beautiful, sharpest, coolest girl ever. Long live the queen! Alright! Good night everybody! Peace out, homies!"

_a/m awwww istnt chirun so niceeeee andswet 2 sarta?/? revuw gaiiiis;)))))_

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><p><strong>Real AN: I seriously want to try some diet water. Tell me when someone invents it.**

**Oh, and if you haven't already read "The Mary Sue Effect" by Wynter Sora, you MUST. Must, I tell you!**


	7. Rachel, the evil ginger oracle

**A/N: My inspiration died in a hole and I had a hard time resurrecting it. And marching band started, but nobody cares about that. XD**

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><p><em>an thx u gaiiiis!1!1!1!1! ovr 50 revews!1!1!1!1!1!<em>

I had a vision last night, when I was sleeping.

Percy was missing, and no one could find him. Everyone was really worried, though I, like totally knew where he was. The Roman Camp. Duh. Camp Jupiter. I mean, geez. It's _obvious_. Hera took his memories and put him there. Of course I'm worried about him and I'll miss him, but hey, that means that _I_ am sole leader of Camp Half-Blood. My brother can be the hero there, and I can be, like, the awesomest of the awesome person here at Camp Half-Blood. Let my Reign of Terror- cough - excuse me, democratically decided (by Me, Myself, and I) leadership begin...!

Of course, none of this had happened yet, so you know, I had to wait. But I, like, like planning ahead.

But anyways, I was walking to the Pavilion for breakfast, when I saw Percy and the evil (but not so much as the blonde harpy) redhead talking. Suddenly, Rachel totally collapsed. Right on Percy.

Oh. No. She. Didn't.

I saw rainbows and flowers **(as opposed to 'seeing red') **as I stormed over to my smexy brother and _her_.

"WHAT THE HADES ARE YOU DOING RANDOMLY COLLAPSING ON MY SUPER SEXY BROTHER WHO I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE VERY ROMATICALLY INVOLVED WITH?!" I screeched at the top of my lungs, my face a beautiful bright color.

"Uhhggn," Rachel replied. Gods, she was, like, _stupid_, too.

"Sorry to interrupt, Sara," Percy said quietly, "but she fainted. She can't really hear you."

I hated to take out my anger on my one true love (except for maybe Nico or Jason or Taylor Lautner), but I was on a ROLL with this rant.

"WELL THAT'S TOO BAD, ISN'T IT, SUNSHINE? I DON'T GIVE CRAP. SHE FELL ON _YOU_, AND YOU _LET _HER!" I paused for a breath, and a thought suddenly dawned on me. "You're cheating on me, Percy, aren't you!"

"What? No!" he protested. "She was telling me about the new prophecy, and she suddenly fainted! She's probably getting another vision, or something crazy like that, being the oracle and all."

I narrowed my eyes. My lips were a thin line. My entire body shook. How could he? I thought I was everything he ever wanted! I felt a crystal run down my cheek. My solid gold tears started spilling out.

"No, Sara," Percy said comfortingly (still holding onto Rachel, the idiot). "I love _you_, and only you."

Suddenly, he dropped Rachel. Flat out, on her face, into the ground. It was amazing.

The next thing I knew, Percy had grabbed me, and kissed me passionately. I kissed back. And we kissed and kissed. Lucky Charms fell from the sky (but that was just some little kid in the tree above us who had lost his cereal, totally stuck staring at us in shock. Thinking we were _perfect _for each other, of course). We kept kissing. Rachel woke up, gaped at us, and, like, totally stormed away. Still kissing. People came by and took pictures (because we're that sexy, of course). We continued. Some girl (probably that harpy Annabeth) tried to come at me with a knife, but I easily tripped her and kicked her away, not even distracted from Percy. We kissed until the sun set. And then we just kissed again. It was totally one of the best nights of my life.

_an lollz so much 4 dat engish report im suposed 2 b doin ;)))_

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><p><strong>I hate Twilight and deny and copyright infringement against Lucky Charms. I also deny any shipping ideas you get from this crack-tastic story. <strong>

**I hope 'sexy' is a PG word. I had a very strong urge to add a couple 'selective' words in there, but the story is K+...I did that for a reason, too. I wanted to keep the abuse, violence, and love-y stuff to a PG rating (partly because I probably couldn't write it well as T). Well, reviews are love, and apparently favorites count for something now, too. ^^**

**(Planning on getting some sort of little plot arc [read: 2-3 chapters] going next chapter. Any ideas? I'm thinking quest.)**


	8. Making Out With My Totally True Love

**A/N: I completely forgot about this story! Whoops. Haha, gomen...sorry. -.- Don't mind the possibly outdated reference in here. I wrote some of this chapter a loooong time ago.**

* * *

><p><em>an thx u gaiiiis!1!1!1!1! ovr 50 revews!1!1!1!1!1!<em>

I had a vision last night, like, when I was sleeping.

Percy was missing, and no one could find him. Everyone was really worried, though I, like, totally knew where he was. The Roman Camp. Duh. Camp Jupiter. I mean, geez. It's so _obvious_. Hera took his memories and put him there. Of course I'm worried about him and I'll miss him, but hey, that means that _I_ am sole leader of Camp Half-Blood. My brother can be the hero there, and I can be, like, the awesomest of the awesome person here at Camp Half-Blood. Let my Reign of Terror- cough - excuse me, democratically decided (by Me, Myself, and I) leadership begin...!

Of course, none of this had happened yet, so you know, I had to wait. But I, like, like planning ahead.

But, like, anyways, I was walking to the Pavilion for breakfast, when I saw Percy and the evil (but not so much as the blonde harpy) redhead talking. Suddenly, Rachel totally collapsed. Right on Percy.

Oh. No. She. Didn't.

I saw rainbows and flowers **(as opposed to 'seeing red') **as I stormed over to my smexy brother and _her_.

"WHAT THE HADES ARE YOU DOING RANDOMLY COLLAPSING ON MY SUPER SEXY BROTHER WHO I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE VERY ROMATICALLY INVOLVED WITH?!" I screeched at the top of my lungs, my face a beautiful bright color.

"Uhhggn," Rachel replied. Gods, she was, like, _stupid_, too.

"Sorry to interrupt, Sara," Percy said quietly, "but she fainted. She can't really hear you."

I hated to take out my anger on my one true love, Percylicious (Nico, Jason, Taylor Lautner, Justin Bieber, Harry Styles, and TOP are, like, definitely my other loves), but I was on a ROLL with this rant.

"WELL THAT'S TOO BAD, ISN'T IT, SUNSHINE? I DON'T GIVE CRAP. SHE FELL ON _YOU_, AND YOU _LET _HER!" I paused for a breath, and a thought suddenly dawned on me. "You're cheating on me, Percy, aren't you!"

"What? No!" he protested. "She was telling me about the new prophecy, and she suddenly fainted! She's probably getting another vision, or something crazy like that, being the oracle and all."

I narrowed my eyes. My lips were a thin line. My entire (perfectly sexy) body shook. How could he? I thought I was everything he ever wanted! I felt a crystal run down my cheek. My solid gold tears started spilling out.

"No, Sara," Percy said comfortingly (still holding onto Rachel, the idiot). "I love _you_, and only you."

Suddenly, he dropped Rachel. Flat out, on her face, into the ground. It was amazing.

The next thing I knew, Percy had grabbed me, and kissed me passionately. I kissed back. And we kissed and kissed. Lucky Charms fell from the sky (but that was just some little kid in the tree above us who had lost his cereal, totally stuck staring at us in shock. Thinking we were _perfect _for each other, of course). We kept making out. Rachel woke up, gaped at us, and, like, totally stormed away. Still kissing. People came by and took pictures (because we're that sexy, of course). We continued. Some girl (probably that harpy Annabeth) tried to come at me with a knife, but I easily tripped her and kicked her away, not even distracted from Percy. We kissed until the sun set. And then we just kissed again. It was totally one of the best nights of my life.

_an lollz so much 4 dat engish report im suposed 2 b doin ;)))_

* * *

><p><strong>I dislike Twilight, and am not a Directioner or a Belieber. I do love Big Bang and TOP, though. :) I deny copyright infringement against Lucky Charms. I also deny any shipping ideas you get from this crack-tastic story. <strong>

**I hope 'sexy' is a PG word. I had a very strong urge to add a couple 'selective' words in there, but the story is K+...I did that for a reason, too. I wanted to keep the abuse, violence, and love-y stuff to a PG rating (partly because I probably couldn't write it well as T). Well, reviews are love, and apparently favorites count for something now, too. ^^**

**(Planning on getting some sort of little plot arc [read: 2-3 chapters] going next chapter. Any ideas? I'm thinking quest.)**


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